Nudie Rudie

I went swimming today.

This sentence could be the start of a very boring children’s story. The next line could be “I wore my bathers. I wore my hat.” But this is not a children’s story. This one contains the very faint left over odour of chlorine and knotty hair. And nakedness. A kind of nakedness that I will never get used to.

changing room nakedness.

Don’t get me wrong I love naked. I think its the most beautiful thing in the world...and yet for some strange reason, in the public changing rooms I feel an overwhelming urge to hide in the corner. Shield myself in a towel, cleverly holding it in my teeth, whilst I shuffle to and fro shimmying my undies with great difficulty up my not quite dry legs (what is it about chlorine that makes them so grippy?).

Today was one of those days however, where I just couldn’t be bothered with the dance. I decided to grow up, be a proud naked woman. I stepped out of the shower and stood (still in the corner) completely naked, with my undies swinging in one hand and bra hanging off the other. And it was exactly that millstone moment, when I heard my name.
Isn't it strange the way time slows down in instantaneous moments of horror? How time seems to stop momentarily as you notice the way the sound of your name echoes across the space, bouncing from one wall to another.

I looked over to my right and there was one of my story time mums, with her four kids all standing in a little naked row.
“Amy!” she cried
“I’ve been meaning to come into the library, my books are so late! Do you think I could bring them in tomorrow?”
As she talked, her breasts wiggled in agreement.

I love nakedness. I do. I think its the most beautiful thing in the world. And yet, sometimes I feel more comfortable having every day conversations with my clothes on.
My storytime mum and her little naked line of children all stood quietly and watched me as I tried unsuccessfully to get one foot into my underwear whilst simultaneously wriggle back into my bra.
And sadly, but not surprisingly I was out of words. However, luckily for me, my naked body was being very helpful, and jiggled my reply.